The most uncomfortable taxi ride EVER

27 Jan

So I had to go to a meeting yesterday with my boss, so we went to catch a taxi.  All conversations were held in Cantonese, unless in bold (English). Warning: A lot of expletives used. Kids, press the big red x in the top right corner.

The following occurred between 2:00pm and 3:00pm. Events occur in real time.

Boss:     Nathan Street please.
Driver:  OK Boss.

10 minute later and some boring conversation I had with my boss, which we held in English…

Driver: You two not from around here?
Boss:     Right, we moved here from abroad.
Driver:  So do you know what this street is famous for?
Boss:     Portland Street… famous for hookers…
Driver:  HAHA even you know this? You come here often?
Boss:     No… but it’s a common fact…
Driver:  You tried any?
[by the way, my boss is the Chief of Economics in my company, has several degrees, masters and PhDs…]

Boss:     … No..
Driver:  Fuck man, I do it all the time. $300 (around USD40 I guess) a pop.
Boss:     Oh? So expensive?
Driver:  Fuckkkk man, that’s what rising prices does. House prices increase, so do hookers! Back in the day, only $200. Now $300. How can I pay? Need work overtime. Motherfking economy screwing us taxi drivers.
Boss:     … Where are they from?
Driver:  Them bitches? Local man. I only do local. You know local? I speaku engrish – local. But they blow so fast as if they have appointment to make. Only 30 minutes and I be getting rushed out of the room. 30 minutes! $300! Damn this shit.
Boss:     I heard there a lot of Russian prosititutes?…
Driver:  No  dude. They all in Macau. Them whores are expensive. $1000. 1000 dollar ah.
Me:        (quietly) I suppose you learnt your English from the Russians..)
Driver:  What you say kid?
Me:        … that orange car is so ugly.
Driver:  Them fucking pricks with their ugly ass sports cars, can’t do shit. What a waste of a car. That’s not a car. That’s a fucking orange with wheels.

[Orange sports car cuts us off and stops in front of traffic to let someone off]
Driver:  Motherfking kids. Think they the shit. (sticks head outside window and flipping them off) GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY ASSHOLE. LEARN TO FUCKING DRIVE.
Boss and me: …

Driver:  Damn assholes, I’d kill them if I could.
Boss and me: heh.. heh.. heh………
Driver:  Hey kid, where you lived abroad?
Me:        England
Driver:  You like French girls? What they like?
Me:        Umm.. skinny…
Driver:  What about English girls?
Me:        Umm… big…
Driver:  LOLOL. True that.  Do white chicks like china sausages?
Me:        … I don’t think it’s their preference…
Boss:     What’s Chinese sausage?
Me:        He means Chinese guys…
Driver:  Chinese sausages. Chiiiiineeeeese sauuuusages ah. You know? Penisuuuu
Boss:     Oh.
Driver:  LMAO. I know one fact though, Japanese girls like black sausages. Blacku sausagy. LMFAO

Boss:     … are we there yet?

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2 Responses to “The most uncomfortable taxi ride EVER”

  1. janeberryblue February 2, 2010 at 1:49 pm #

    HAHAHAHAA.

    goodness this just made my day. thank you for sharing. and thank you mr. taxi driver!

  2. Trina March 3, 2010 at 10:30 am #

    HAHAHA that’s really funny! 😉

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